In Part two of our discussion with Dr. Sandor Gardos, we take a deeper look into everybody’s favorite topic…SEX.

Unfortunately, the sex lives of most men are not where they could be.

We’re not talking about how to pick up women here, we’re talking about something deeper.

What is behind our sex drive and what is our sexual energy all about besides ejaculation?

Men tend to look at sexual energy as frustration, something to be fixed…

And as quickly as possible.

Men train themselves at a young age to relieve sexual energy as fast as possible, instead of cultivating and using sexual energy to invigorate their lives.

Women tend to experience sexual energy differently, even using different words to describe sexual feelings. Where men talk about “sexual frustration” women speak of the same pleasurable feelings as “juicy” or “alive.”

Sandor encourages us to see this energy not as something to avoid, but something we should honor as our very life essence. He invites us to learn to be with strong energetic sensation and practice cultivating and holding sexual energy.

Why is Viagra the best selling drug in the country?

Often we can be very dissociated during sex, perhaps fantasizing about someone else or generally checking out altogether.

Most of us would rather take a pill than truly look inside ourselves to discover what may be getting in the way of our sexual desire.

Dr. Gardos points out that most men don’t know what is possible with orgasm because we don’t know how to be with intense sexual energy.

At the highest levels, sex can become a pathway to deep spiritual states…a very direct route, Dr Gardos says.

So where is the average guy to start on this path of sexual self-discovery?

Dr. Gardos suggests finding community, locally or online and begin to take in and share information. This can be tough at first but there are resources out there for men willing to take a loo

This is not another goal that has to be met or an achievement we need to reach, but an opportunity for us to know ourselves better and live more fully because of it.

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About Sandor Gardos

sandorSandor Gardos, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and sex therapist. He was formerly a fellow at the College of Physicians & Surgeons of Columbia University in New York and is currently a research scientist at the HIV Center for Clinical and Behavioral Studies. He is a member of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists as well as the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality. He has written over a hundred articles, chapters, books, and other publications, and has served as the editor of Sexual Science. Gardos is also a regular guest on many nationally syndicated television and radio shows.

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