What’s the deal with this myth that marriage is the death to your sex life?

Does it have to be this way?

Do you have to spend the rest of your days sneaking around with porn or affairs to get your sexual needs met?

In this episode, Dr. Sandor Gardos returns to The New Man to lay out some very simple things you can do to get the sexual juices flowing in your committed relationship.

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In this episode:

  • Oprah’s Vah-J-J
  • Vibrator called “The Sure Thing”
  • The Aphrodite
  • Oprah makes it ok to use sex toys
  • It’s now mainstream to take an active role in making sex lives better
  • Myth: Sex life is over after marriage
  • Chris Rock
  • Married life = death of sex
  • Repressing sexual desire
  • Turning to porn
  • Having affairs
  • What can this guy do?
  • Not a myth that sex changes in marriage
  • Being passive won’t make it better
  • Probably not as bad as you think it is
  • Desire discrepancy
  • Most common thing sex therapists deal with in couples
  • Polarizing sex
  • Couples are closer to sexual desires than perception
  • Taking it personally that she doesn’t want to have sex
  • Perceived rejection
  • Coping mechanisms
  • Shutting off desire — clamping it off
  • Not being alive as a man when cutting off sexual desire
  • Trying to “keep the peace” doesn’t serve the relationship
  • Resentment is almost irreversible
  • Avoiding anger actually builds resentment
  • What a guy can do to turn this around
  • Simple techniques
  • Change the dynamic
  • It’s not always that the guy wants all the sex
  • For half of couples, the woman wants more sex
  • Non-goal oriented sensuality
  • Keep her guessing
  • Sex is no longer about ejaculation
  • Neediness is not attractive
  • Build arousal and passion
  • Getting out of the sexual routine
  • Routine is the enemy of passion
  • Novelty is an aphrodisiac
  • Small changes can have a big impact

sandorSandor Gardos, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and sex therapist. He was formerly a fellow at the College of Physicians & Surgeons of Columbia University in New York and is currently a research scientist at the HIV Center for Clinical and Behavioral Studies. He is a member of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists as well as the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality. He has written over a hundred articles, chapters, books, and other publications, and has served as the editor of Sexual Science. Gardos is also a regular guest on many nationally syndicated television and radio shows.

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