This is part 2 of our talk with Dr. Sandor Gardos.

In this episode he continues to lay out some simple distinctions and the practices you can do TODAY to quit settling for a crappy sex life without killing your marriage.


In this episode:

  • Women’s arousal pattern is different than men’s
  • Why she doesn’t initiate sex
  • Get over the myth of reciprocity in sex
  • Women want to feel deeply desired by their partner
  • Not just deeply desiring to “get off” with her
  • Make the passion about her, not just about “getting off”
  • What if you no longer desire your partner?
  • Don’t be afraid to get outside help — qualified sex therapist
  • Go to a sex therapist vs “regular” psychologist
  • Don’t overdo “closeness”
  • Avoiding conflict, being the peacemaker
  • Non-violent communication
  • Balancing domesticity with sexual passion
  • Don’t get neutered
  • Harmony can reduce passion
  • What are you doing to remove the spark from your relationship?
  • Where’s my desire in this moment? Own it.
  • Vulnerability means speaking what you wants
  • Vulnerability is taking risks
  • Take your woman “on a ride”
  • Do something where you don’t know how she’s going to respond
  • When and how to talk to her if this stuff isn’t working
  • Accept that you have different styles — doesn’t mean you’re wrong
  • Remove the blame and shame
  • Why women have sex
  • What if she doesn’t care about sex?
  • Your sexual needs matter — don’t cut it off
  • Keep it simple and stick to the basics

sandorSandor Gardos, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and sex therapist. He was formerly a fellow at the College of Physicians & Surgeons of Columbia University in New York and is currently a research scientist at the HIV Center for Clinical and Behavioral Studies. He is a member of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists as well as the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality. He has written over a hundred articles, chapters, books, and other publications, and has served as the editor of Sexual Science. Gardos is also a regular guest on many nationally syndicated television and radio shows.