It’s been a while since our last chat and, well, a lot has happened. I got a call from Oprah’s camp, I reorganized my business, made some big changes to the podcast and oh yeah — I moved my family across the country.
But the truth is, before I took these actions I was feeling like I was at the end of a plank staring into the unknown below. I was nearly paralyzed — unable to make a decision. I wasn’t clear about what I wanted or what to do. However, I did know if things did NOT change I would dry up like fruit in the sun. But I was also scared that I could lose my ass and wreck my home if I took the wrong action.
I’m sharing this little story because I know you may be feeling stuck or scared, and I hope what I learned will help you, too.
Let’s get started.
Once Upon a Time
You see, I spent most of this year staring at the end of a diving board. Everyday I felt like I was standing on a wobbly plank waaaaaaaaaaay up in the air. Below? The scary unknown — all of the things that could go right AND wrong. I had a kid on the way, a new business to develop and a lot of questions marks about my future.
I was staring at a jump that felt like it may kill me.
But why? There were several reasons.
I Hit the Wall with Work
As exciting as this year has been, it’s taken it’s toll. I became a new father while fortifying my career as The New Man host and men’s coach — very far from the “secure” confines of a conventional job. Turns out this little combo of responsibilities stressed. my. ass. out. big. time.
Something wasn’t clicking anymore. I knew if I was going to continue to grow and build, I had to find a different way.
But how could I make a change? There was too much to risk. Would I be able to support my family? I was scared that if this gamble didn’t pay out, I’d have to sell handjobs at the bus station. Irrational? Maybe. But this is fear we’re talking about here.
Either way, it was time to do my work in a way that didn’t drain me anymore. I didn’t know how I would do it. But it was time.
I Was a Little Bummed
Ok, a little more than bummed. In a nutshell, I got a very positive call from [intlink id=”1826″ type=”post”]Oprah’s people[/intlink]. And then I got a not so positive call from Oprah’s people. Yes, yes, yes — all very exciting and affirming, but imagine getting Bar Rafaeli back to your place only to have her slip out the door while you took a piss.
Good news is that this little experience helped me get *very clear*. I realized I was finished doing the podcast in its current format. I wanted to move the show to bigger and better screens. After 100 episodes, I realized the show needed a change.
But could I really make a change? What if it flopped? What if it sucked? I’d be humiliated, lose my listeners and then I’d be left with nothing. Irrational? Maybe. But again, this is fear we’re talking about here.
Either way, I realized it was time to push the podcast out of its comfy little groove and into a whole new realm. I didn’t know how I’d do it. But it was time.
Bust a Move
It was time to leave Boulder. My wife and I had always planned to leave, but to where? And now with a baby — GASP! “Hell, we can’t leave NOW. We have a baby! What about all of our amazing friends? What about my wife’s income? Ain’ no way we can leave now, right?”
Wrong. I knew if we didn’t leave now, we probably wouldn’t leave for another year (or ten). Winter is coming. Leaves will change color soon. I absolutely had to get back to the part of the world that FED me.
I was terrified to move. What if we pick the wrong place? What if we hate it? What about all of those boxes to pack and unpack? What about losing my wife’s income?
Regardless, it was time to move to a location that nourished us. And, let’s be honest here, seeing bikinis more often wouldn’t hurt. I didn’t know how we’d pull it off. But it was time.
Whoa! What the Hell is Wrong with Me?!?
Yeah! What the hell is wrong with me? Had I lost my f’n mind?
“How could I possibly be dissatisfied with work? How could I possibly be dissatisfied with this little bubble of granola greatness? How could I possibly uproot my family in search of warmer, greener and wetter pastures? Just how much of a selfish moron could I be? WTF? Suck it up, wuss! Stuff it! Shut the F up and move on!”
This nifty little voice was one of the reasons I was staying stuck. I was dismissing what I really wanted — a life oriented around joy, ease, fun and love. That little voice kept me from saying, “So what? I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense. I know I may look like a moron. I know others may judge me. But it doesn’t matter. Here’s what I want. Now I’m going to go get it.”
Introducing the Diving Board
What really helped? I turned the corner and got clear about orienting my life towards joy, ease, fun and love. My awesome wife, Alyson had my back. With her and my baby daughter standing beside me, we would walk out on to this scary diving board. We were going to do this. I didn’t know how we would land, but it was time for a change.
And making that change really meant that I NEEDED TO STEP INTO A BIGGER VERSION OF MYSELF. I couldn’t let ego and fear and the pressure of others keep me stuck. I didn’t want a life steered by fear or scarcity — I wanted a life of joy, ease, fun and love.
So What Happened?
In my next post I’ll share how I took the leap as well as the results of taking action. I’ll tell you how I got help along the way and most importantly how I busted out of a mental rut that kept me playing small. To make sure you don’t miss out be sure to sign up for The New Man updates and free videos in the box below.
Til next time,
PS I would really appreciate it if you would forward this post to a friend who you think may benefit from this story. Please tell them about the 100 episodes of The New Man Podcast and all the cool videos available here at The New Man Podcast.
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Developed by professional coach Tripp Lanier, The Daily Toolkit teaches you the small steps that create big changes.