Do you smell that stinky, toxic smell?
You wake up. It’s just another day. Another day filled with obligations. You “have to” do this. You “have to” do that.
You’re running the hamster wheel. You’re drained. You’re fun-repellant.
That stinky, toxic smell? It’s YOU.
You are stinkin’ up the place with that double-flusher of a mood.
You’re drained because you’re denying yourself what will replenish and rejuvenate you. The obligations come first — what you want can wait.
Now here’s the real stinker — You’re assuming that if you speak up for what you want then something crappy will happen. There’s a boogeyman hiding under the bed.
Interesting idea? Let’s take a look.
STEP ONE: Identify what you want. Take a few minutes. What would energize you today? What would make the day fun? What would put gas back IN your tank today? (If this part is already challenging you then we’re on the right track.)
STEP TWO: Identify the assumption (the fear) you have. Complete this sentence: “If I were to __________ then _________ would happen.” For instance: “If I were to take the evening to go spend a few hours at a movie, my loved ones might feel like I don’t care about them.”
Get specific. This is you describing the boogeyman. What kind of eyes and claws and teeth does this bad boy have? Paint the picture.
STEP THREE: Check it out. Get curious. Speak up with whomever is involved. “I have a story that says if I were to ________ then you would ________. I’m wondering if this is really true?”
Eliminate the assumptions. Go for hard data. Be explicit. (Note: if you’re feeling defensive right now then we’re REALLY on to something.)
This isn’t about being irresponsible.
Quite the opposite. This is about you taking a stand for yourself AND your responsibilities. It’s a both/and instead of an either/or.
This third step is where we grab a flashlight and look under the bed. Is there really a boogeyman under there? Or is it just a dust bunny with the amazing power to drain your life?
So — no more assumptions. Take these 3 simple steps for yourself.
And light a candle, will ya? 😉
PS I’ve helped many of my coaching clients clarify what they want, speak up about it and realize that the boogeyman that had been under their bed — sometimes for years — was completely imagined.
Here’s an interesting exchange I had with a reader — Is it Time to Let Her Go? Click here to read it.