If you could touch it, neediness would be slimy. If you could see it, neediness would be a toxic cloud that enters the room before you do.
Neediness would smell like a port-o-let used by hippies after a three day summer music festival.
Neediness crushes attraction. Neediness elicits a visceral response from the other person that says,
“GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME.”
If you’re wondering why your relationships — and anything you really want in your life — are struggling, then perhaps it’s time to de-funkify the neediness.
As I’ve interviewed men and women over the years and as I’ve gotten to know some pretty extraordinary people, I keep realizing that most of them have a shared — and very private — experience.
For me, it was after a tough break up. The problem?
I was terrified to be alone. I needed people around me. I needed a TV on to distract myself.
It wasn’t that I actually wanted to be with those people or actually watch the TV. No.
I WAS USING PEOPLE TO AVOID THE DISCOMFORT OF BEING ALONE WITH MYSELF.
I was NEEDING others to help me feel comfortable with me.
But think about it — if I wasn’t comfortable with myself, then how could I expect anyone else to be comfortable with me?
I WAS TIRED OF BEING NEEDY.
I made a conscious decision to make the shift.
I didn’t realize it at the time but I was creating a No Woman Diet (NWD). I also made it a No Media Diet, too. But that’s another story.
I gave up on any idea of dating or sex. I just simply focused on being with me and doing what lit me up.
I did this for almost a year. And it didn’t take long before I began to dig it. I found an inner strength and peace I had never known.
Instead of being fearful that I’d be alone on a Friday night, I actually embraced it.
Instead of being fearful of being “that weird guy all alone at some event”, I actually embraced it.
I BECAME A FRIEND TO MYSELF.
I no longer felt a need to use someone as a wedge.
From there forward, my relationships carried more ease. Because I didn’t fear being alone, the toxic cloud of neediness showed up less and less. I was able to be more true to myself. My relationships were more and more rewarding.
BOTTOM LINE: I WAS LESS OF A PUSSY
As I mentioned, I’ve known quite a few others who have done something similar — including my wife, Alyson and Bryan Bayer from Authentic World.
They’re leading a pair of programs for men and women…
THE NO WOMAN DIET & THE NO MAN DIET
They’re creating the structure and support to do it right. They’re creating a solid container so you don’t have to fumblef*ck your way through this like I did.
So, whether you’re a guy or a gal — they’ve got the specific program for you.
There’s a few blog posts that’ll further explain what’s being offered. Check ‘em out.
Here’s to you putting a foot up neediness’s ass.
PS As we’ve discussed on The New Man before — relationships are at the core of everything you want. A great career. A family. A solid group of friends that have your back. Don’t let neediness drive these opportunities away any longer. Click here to learn more about The No Woman Diet or The No Man Diet.
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Developed by professional coach Tripp Lanier, The Daily Toolkit teaches you the small steps that create big changes.