Do you get all fired up to make a change but then eventually end up quitting?
And are you hoping that one day you’ll have all this crap figured out and you won’t have to worry about it anymore?
Phil Stutz and Barry Michels are here to discuss The Tools that’ll pull your butt out of a rut and share how these tools have helped other guys do some amazing things. Is it too good to be true? Let’s find out.
In this interview:
- A tool to beat procrastination
- How to let go of a grudge
- What to do if you’ve lost your temper
- How to stop freezing up in social situations
- Making peace with the parts you want to hide from the world
- How to get out of the worry and negative thinking spiral
- What to do when you quit and feel like crap
- The hidden expectation that is driving us nuts
- How to stop being a personal development jackass
- The two demons that kill your motivation
- When thinking screws things up
- A story about a guy who “had it all” and then hit the wall
- How did he bounce back?
Phil Stutz and Barry Michels are Hollywood psychologists with a roster of A-list clients. “Especially among the actors, you have people where no one’s told them the truth ever for the last eight years, 12 years — literally never,” Stutz tells Kurt Andersen. “We tell them the truth about who they are, both the strong points and the weaknesses,” Michels explains. “And we’re pretty brutal about the weaknesses, because we want people to change.” Stutz and Michels have shared what they’ve learned with the stars in a book geared to the rest of us: The Tools.
Their tactics combine Jungian analysis with cognitive behavioral therapy. One chapter deals with what Jung called the Shadow. “Everybody has a piece of them that’s insecure — everybody,” Stutz tells Kurt. “It’s not particularly rational and you can’t get rid of it.” When, for example, a screenwriter sabotages his pitch at an important meeting, it may be because he or she is trying to hide the Shadow. Instead, Stutz and Michels say, the screenwriter needs to visualize this “shameful” persona, make friends with it, and enlist its aid in judgmental situations. “Although most people think of their Shadows as the source of their insecurity, if you can change your relationship with your Shadow, it becomes the source of your confidence,” Michels says.
The pair started their careers about as far from celebrity as you can get: Michels as a lawyer with political ambitions, Stutz as a prison psychiatrist at New York’s Rikers Island. In prison, Stutz explains, what you say is nowhere near as important as what you do and how you communicate non-verbally. “There’s a whole level of communication that, within psychotherapy, is not usually dealt with.”