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Below is a transcript from this audio:
Hey there. I’m Tripp Lanier. I host The New Man, and I also coach men all around the world on how to stop playing small and live the lives that they really want. Today, I want to share a very, very simple tool. It is something that I use personally, and it’s something that I have my clients use to learn how to find life direction.
But first, why should you care?
I mean, why should you give a shit about this tool that I use and that other people use? Well, many of us want to have a sense of direction. We want to have a sense of where we’re heading, and what it’s all about, instead of just… getting by. We may want to make a change, but we lose direction along the way. We lose that emotional fire after a few days or a few weeks, and then we’re right back into our old pattern and we even feel worse than we did before because now we know we’re off track.
So. I like to say, when we don’t know what’s important, everything is important. I’m going to say it again. When we don’t know what’s important, then everything is important.
Which Guy Are You?
For example, one guy, he’s walkin’ down the street, but he’s got a mission. He knows what he’s lookin’ for. He’s creating his path. People may try to stop him, there are distractions along the way, but he knows when to say no. Maybe he’s got road blocks, maybe there are detours, doesn’t matter. He is focused on what he wants to explore, what he wants to see, what he wants to experience, so he’s not stuck to any one path. He’s flexible in how he goes about and moves around the city.
Now another guy. This guy doesn’t have any sense of direction. Everything is a distraction. He stops here for a few days, turns into a few years. He gets stuck over there and does this for a while. He wastes some time doing this, wanders over there to do that. The whole time, he had a sense that what he wanted… He did want something, but it just goes unfulfilled.
He lets himself bounce around, reacting to these distractions. He blames road-blocks and detours for killing his progress and he cries, “Oh, poor me, poor me, my life!” He’s not creating conscious choices connected to his core values and desires. He’s just simply buried them. He’s led by the winds of the world! He never had a sense of direction. It was always about the distractions.
Why You’re Exhausted But Still Not Going Anywhere
So I’m talking about living a reactive life. Playing whack-a-mole, just putting out fires, just greasing the squeaky wheels. This is not leading. This is not creating. It’s a fear-based way of living. It’s a fear of missing out. It’s a fear of rocking the boat. It’s just trying to keep the train on the track, but you’re not in charge of where the track is headed. And it takes a lot of effort to do this, so no wonder why, you may feel perpetually dissatisfied, even though you’re busting your butt.
So again, when we don’t know what is important, everything is important. So then how do we define what is important?
They Hate This Question
When I ask guys what they want, many are stifled. They dread the question. “Please don’t ask me that. Please don’t ask me that.” “What do you want? What do you want?” “Ah… I don’t know. I don’t know.” But they do. They may not know the specifics. They may not know what job, what house, what city, what girl, what specific this or that. But underneath, they do know the experiences that they want to have. In other words, they do know how they want to feel.
Now regardless of what you do, or the things you have, I believe we all want to feel some combination of the following. We all want to feel some sense of fulfillment. We want to feel alive. We want to feel engaged, and some may call this passionate. We want to feel peace of mind that things are right in the world. We want love! We want a sense of being loved, and feeling connected to others that care about us, and we care about them! And to feel free. To have the freedom to express yourself, to explore what you want to explore, the freedom to simply just be you!
And my guess is that even if you’re really confused about your life, and where it’s headed, the desire to have some combination of these experiences is true for you. Am I right?
So Let’s Focus on This
Because regardless of all of the other question marks in your life, we do know that this is what is important. So let’s create a tool that you can use daily to remind yourself that this is what you’re creating. This is where you’re going. Because I don’t want you settling for distractions. So break out a piece of paper, some document on your computer, and then write down the activities, the relationships, anything and everything that connects you to these experiences.
Remember, the specifics of what or how are not as important as the experiences you want to have. Now why? Well let’s go back to our guys that were walkin’ through the city.
The first guy stayed focused on what he wanted, and he understood that the path was not the purpose. The purpose was the experience. This means that even if he hit a road-block, it wasn’t a big deal. There are many paths that have the experience we want. But we’re screwed, we’re screwed when we think the path is the ultimate goal, it’s the money, the status, the toys, the job, the title, whatever. These are just some of the many paths that are available for us to have the experiences we want. These things are just a means to an end.
Write Down What Excites You
Write down whatever has you tap into this possibility and reminds you of what you’re really here to create and do. Write down only what you’re a “Hell-yes!” to. This is the purpose of your life. This is the direction. And as you go through your day, ask yourself, “How can I create more freedom for myself today? More connection? More peace of mind? How can I feel more alive today? More fulfilled?”
Stop reacting, and start creating more opportunities to have these experiences. Because they’re not on top of some big mountain, or there on the other side of some velvet rope or finish line. They’re right here!
This Ain’t The Secret
This is not some new-age, magic, hocus-pocus bullshit, this is your north star. Everything in your life is either aligning with your ability to create these experiences, like it’s the wind at your back, or its working against you. When you know what’s important, then you can challenge why you’ve chosen relationships or experiences that are working against what you truly want. Many times these were simply distractions we unconciously chose while we were sleepwalking.
Revisit this document a few times a week. Update it regularly! It’s not set in stone. Challenge anything in it that feels like something you “should” do. If you’re not a “Hell-yes!” to it, then don’t put it in there. Keep reminding yourself that you want to feel fulfillment, peace of mind, freedom, passion and real connection. As you go through your day, you’ll begin to see opportunities to create these experiences. You’ll see what is a distraction and choose differently. Reminding yourself of what is important will make it much more difficult to choose what is not.
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