Most of us are navigating the world in one of two ways:

The first is our young self. This shows up when we’re scared or hurt or defensive. We lash out or play the petty games we learned at an early age to avoid discomfort or weakness. Even as adults, the young self hurts us and the ones we love.

For the young self, life is often one big pissing-match.

The second is our conventional or adult self. It’s the guy who plays by the rules. Does what he needs to do to fit in, to be liked, to be successful. Society rewards us for being the adult, for being “the good guy”.


But there’s also a third way to navigate the world. (David Deida had a similar idea and called this the ‘Third Stage’.)

The Third Self has nothing to prove, is not motivated by fear or scarcity. And he’s not burdened by a need to “fit in” or meet the expectations of others.

The Third Self is bold in his willingness to lead, is on this planet to give and create instead of triumph over others.

The Third Self has a firm allegiance to what has him feel more connected, alive, and whole.

There is no template for the Third Self. It’s unique for each of us. It can’t be found “out there”.

Why? Because we’ve always had it in us. It’s our essence speaking through us or as us. It’s transpersonal.

Some of us will grow tired of our young selves hijacking our lives and creating more drama. And fewer still will recognize that simply following the rules and coloring within the lines ain’t gonna cut it either.

For these few people the opportunity to step into that Third Self will emerge as a nagging sense of dissatisfaction.

“Now what?”

Indeed! Now what will you create and experience with the time you have left?


PS The October Coaching Group kicks off in just a few weeks. Click here, fill out a few questions, and I’ll send you a PDF which explains what we’ll be doing and creating over the coming year.