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Anxiety: If You Don’t Want Anxiety Then Attack
Below is a transcription of this video.
Hey there I’m Tripp Lanier. For over 12 years I’ve spent thousands of hours coaching folks to get out of the rat race, become an authority in their field, and make a great living doing the work they were put on this earth to do. And for more than a decade, I’ve hosted The New Man Podcast which has been downloaded millions of times and can be found on iTunes or Stitcher.
If you’re feeling stressed out, let’s talk about a quick way to create some ease while gaining a ton of power and energy. It just may not be the way you’d think it should be.
A while back I had a guy who was interested in working with me on the phone. He made gobs of money but he was super stressed out and miserable.
And he basically asked me, “So, uh, Tripp. How can you help me tolerate more bullshit from all of these assholes I gotta deal with at work?”
I told him I wasn’t going help him tolerate anything.
But I did let him know I’d be happy to help him if he wanted to sack up, set some boundaries, or get a new job.
Typically when we are stressed we respond with wanting to tolerate or avoid. And if we’re still feeling like crap we often think we just need to get better at tolerating or avoiding.
But what about a third option? Instead of avoiding or tolerating, what if we attacked? Now, I’m not talking about attacking someone. I’m not talking about lashing out or trying to hurt anyone.
Here’s what I mean: When a coaching client is in a bind, he’ll often tell me, “I’m tired of this situation, but I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what to do.” But this is usually not entirely true.
In that moment I want to help him clarify what he wants underneath all of that fear and stress. So I’ll ask him, “What outcome would you want if you knew it could be painless and it wouldn’t hurt anyone else?”
Often there’s a very quick answer. Underneath the fear they have a deep knowing of WHAT they want. Their struggle is in the HOW or the process of getting there.
From their current perspective they don’t see a way through this that won’t be painful or uncomfortable or scary. Which makes total sense. But instead of getting stuck here — what if that pain was the thing that would set us free?
One of my coaches, Phil Stutz has taught me this idea. Check out my interviews with him on The New Man or pick up his books with Barry Michels.
Essentially Phil is challenging us to ask, “What if instead of avoiding or tolerating, we learned to turn directly into it, we learned to attack it?
And what if by going directly into that thing we would gain life force?”
I’ve got a window right here in my office and in the summer time there’s all kinds of critters hanging out there. And sometimes I get to watch this lizard do his thing. A bug comes along and BAM! He doesn’t wait, he doesn’t debate. He attacks. Why? Because for him that bug is sustenance – it’s life force.
So what’s the big takeaway?
There’s a Buddhist quote that says, “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.” This is what I’m pointing to. Suffering comes from avoiding and tolerating.
If you’re tired of tolerating something, If you’re tired of avoiding something, ask yourself what outcome you would want if it wouldn’t hurt you or someone you care about.
And then attack. Take action. Do it quickly.
Perhaps that action is asking for help in how to deal with someone you care about. Perhaps it’s making a bold request at work. Chances are you know what to do, and if you don’t then quickly make that bold action to get help.
This isn’t about being impulsive or careless. It’s about responding quickly to the deep knowing that we already have. The relief you’re seeking is on the other side of this action. Move into the fear and you’ll find ease, power, and life force.
Here’s to you owning what you want. Thanks for listening.