How to Get Out of Your Own Way

Do you want to make a change but believe you need the perfect plan before you take action?

Does your work or salary or title determine your value as a man?

And how do we know when it’s time to make a big change?

Today, my wife Alyson and I pick up where we left off in the episode entitled A Bold Way to Start a Relationship. We explore how I went from feeling very confident to very lost; how I spent years dicking around while waiting for the perfect plan; and how I finally pulled my head out of my ass and got back on track.

In this interview:

  • Stepping out of our comfort zone
  • Being a small fish in a big pond
  • When our work determines our self worth
  • Dealing with uncertainty and self-doubt
  • Waiting for the perfect time and the perfect plan


  • Stuck in excuses
  • Trying to predict the future
  • Refusing the call to adventure
  • Moving from “pre-f**k it” to “post-f**k it”
  • Getting out of the bleachers and into the game


  • Nobody’s coming to rescue me
  • When navel gazing doesn’t solve your problems
  • Zen retreat and conceiving our child
  • There’s more to life than working all of the time
  • Shifting the focus to providing value

Click here for Tripp Lanier’s book This Book Will Make You Dangerous: The Irreverent Guide for Men Who Refuse to Settle.

About Alyson Lanier

Alyson Lanier is a guide, coach, mentor, asskicker, counselor, and teacher. She received her BA, MA, and LPC in psychology, and has extensive training and certification in attachment work and Gestalt therapy, Transpersonal psychology, and Shambhala Buddhism. She has over 50,000 hours of therapeutic experience with individuals, couples, families, children, and adolescents in clinical and private settings. Halfway through her second decade of working in clinical and trauma informed therapeutic settings, Alyson realized psychotherapy alone was incomplete. In order to better serve her clients, Alyson broadened her professional toolbox with trainings and certifications in somatic sex education, energy work and consciousness development, and Ancestral Medicine work, a lineage repair approach to healing personal, family, and cultural burdens.

Adding alternative and spiritual practices to her therapeutic offerings made sense for Alyson because her experience with animist traditions and supernatural encounters began at a very young age, and set the foundation for her life’s study and practice. Her encounters with other-than-human beings, Old World traditions, Shambhala Buddhist practice, and subtle energy work over the years have given her a unique and layered perspective that plants her feet firmly in seemingly antithetical worlds: clinical and transpersonal psychology; Eastern and Western philosophy; clinical diagnosis and energetic and spiritual traditions of healing. Alyson has learned to fully embrace this duality, and to use it to understand the lenses her clients are seeing through, how they’re metabolizing what’s coming through for them, and to lovingly stir shit up to help them level-up.

Alyson delights in supporting her clients as they navigate their growth processes on psychological, physical, energetic, and spiritual levels. Her knowledge of psychology, development, and integral, energetic, and somatic studies give her a centered gravity, and her formative experiences and practices give her a rare wisdom. Her passion and humor spring from a desire to make the sacred profane and the profane sacred. Alyson approaches her transformative work with creative and dynamic interventions, serving her clients and groups as if the world depends on the fulfillment they are seeking, because it most assuredly does.
For over a decade, Alyson has been married to Tripp Lanier (who is also a coach and the host of The New Man Podcast which has been downloaded millions of times by men and women all around the world). Together they have a daughter and live on the coast of North Carolina.